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Yale Visit

We have begun the college search for Dee. Our first visit was the beautiful Yale campus in Connecticut.
Dee has excelled and done so well in high school. I am so extremely proud of her. While an acceptance into Yale is a true ‘reach’ for any student… just the possibility of putting it on her search list is such an achievement in itself.

I can’t believe my baby is going to be leaving for college a year from now. All of these years of fixing boo-boos, chaperoning field trips, girl scout meetings, vacations, first boyfriends, middle school…

A lifetime of mothering.

Doing the best I knew how with the knowledge I had at the time… so many mistakes I know I made – sometimes I got it right. Everything I ever did was out of love… pure love for my girl. To help guide her and bring her to this place we are reaching…

Of independence…. a life of her own… not without me, but apart from me.

And I hope that I did my part to give her the tools she will need to thrive and live a beautiful life. I hope she can take the things I did right and bring them into the world to continue to guide her path…

And I hope she can leave the things I did wrong behind… remembering that I was human. Just a girl myself once – like her, who grew into a mother and did my best to figure it all out. Led by love.

And whatever path she chooses, I will be her biggest fan. Whichever door she enters, I will be with her in spirit always.

My hope is that we can become closer friends as she becomes an adult… that we will be able to see each other with new eyes. Without the push of teenager to gain freedom and the pull of mother to balance it right.

My hope is that she will still need me enough…

But also I know I must hope for her to not need me too much.

I ask for the ability to let her make her own choices…

But never let go of my little girl and be a foundation of love and support when she is unsure or needs a place to fall.

I hope that she can figure out how to feed herself, make appointments, keep up with her laundry, pick good friends, balance her academics..

I hope I will stop worrying.

How will I do this?

My heart leaps with joy for her and the knowledge that her life is really just beginning..

Yet the pain tugs at my heart as I will have to let my little girl go… and part of me realizes that sweet phases of my life will come to an end.

Parenting is the most difficult and joyful journey I have ever been on.

It has pulled me up so high into euphoria that I could never imagine life without children.

It has yanked me so low that I’ve felt I could not go on.

It has given me such purpose and meaning – my one simple life has given life to four beautiful souls.

What more could I ever hope to accomplish?

Parenting is my dream come true and the thing I fear most about messing up.

After our visit to Yale, we met one of Dee’s dear friends that she met in sleepaway camp who lives in New Haven.

I am so grateful that Dee has found such good friends in her life.

And so grateful she has been put in my life to give my life meaning. The day she was born, everything changed for me….

I needed her.

Maybe more than she needed me.

We have also looked at Fairfield University, Wesleyan University and have many more to see….

So fitting – from my July 5 Day Guide:

This Week’s Reflection: Independence

“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It
requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must
help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully
independent.” ~ Erich Fromm

Oh how joyous and painful being a mother can be! We give ourselves to our
children unconditionally and completely. We are connected to our child and
feel as if we are one with them. When they hurt, we hurt. We feel their joy,
their excitement and their love – totally and completely.
Often we have gone without sleep, without much needed silence –
sacrificing instinctively – fully. We have often forgone our own needs for
those of our children. And we would do it again… and again… whatever is
needed from us – is theirs.
Yet, as close as we hold our children – each task, each expression of love,
each lesson we teach is, in essence, preparing our children to one day depart
from us to live their own karmic story. The movement is gradual –
sometimes unnoticeable – and other times so painfully obvious. It hurts.
And although we will grieve the change – their flight into the unknown, it is
all still so joyous. We are excited for their journey. We are honored to be a
part of it. And we promise to always be there, to fall back on, whenever
they want to come back and need to be held close to us once again.

~Wish us luck learning to fly.
xoxo

3 thoughts on “Yale Visit”

  1. You almost made me cry, and my eldest only just turned five! It really does go by so quickly. It looks from afar like you have a wonderful relationship with your kids.

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