Open Space

The colors, the crisp air and the falling leaves of this season just grab onto me and make me feel so good inside.  I notice when autumn comes, I start to pay attention a bit more to my surroundings and myself.  I just can’t help but stop to look a bit more.

It’s really easy to miss things around us with how busy we can be.  Simple but beautiful things can get overlooked or ignored.  Part of learning mindfulness is to slow down enough to actually enjoy and take in fully what is around us.  And one thing is for certain, I do struggle with slowing down.  I’ve read the books and done the meditation classes 🙂 but it is still difficult, with my personality, to slow the pace.

The other morning I decided to just stop rushing and go to this beautiful place in my town that I have never actually walked through in my 14 years of living here.  I’ve always wanted to walk here but I was always too busy…

14 years too busy.  Can you imagine this place was in my backyard all this time and I have yet to enjoy it?  And if I’m too busy – so are most other people.  And how on earth can we fight to protect these beautiful open spaces if we do not even really know the details of how they exist?

I walked there alone and it isn’t always easy being alone.  We can feel alone even in the midst of all we do and all the people that surround us.  I’ve always enjoyed my own company in the past but I think lately I’ve filled up my life with many things to do to avoid feelings that come up in the silence. 
To keep striving to be able to fill our own selves up without looking to outside things and people to do it for us is important.   And I have some wonderful new projects coming up that I’m so excited about… and I have so many wonderful people in my life that I want to spend time with but I have to find a balance between being busy and allowing enough open space in my life for silence.  And re-learning how to be ok with it.  
I remember back when I was a little girl, I would play for hours and hours on my own.  I was so content and at peace with being alone with myself.  The things I would create and imagine… and I didn’t have to share them with anyone but me.  It was enough.  I remembered that and it made me wonder:  At what point did I become not enough for myself?   

I had the amazing experience of seeing my favorite musician live with really great friends last Thursday night.  Brett Dennen’s lyrics and music really resonate so deeply with me and this was really a dream come true.   
“See when you forgive your imperfections
And you’ve auctioned all your clothes
And you look to see your true reflection
You will be the one who loves you the most”
It’s getting cold here and we have installed a new wood stove.  I cannot wait to use it.  Today it was installed but sadly we were told that we have to fix the chimney first before we can use it.  So, hopefully we can get it going soon.  

And I can practice mindfulness and enjoy some of my own company in front of it on the cold nights to come.  (Do puppies count?  They don’t say much.)

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